Your Band Sucks - The Return of The Cure

[Suzanne]

Dr. David Thorpe, with tears in his eyes and little attention-getting papercuts on his wrists, joylessly revisits his past as a goth in the 80s. Despite repeated rumors of a breakup, The Cure continues to taunt us with a ceaseless series of crappy singles, each more worthless than the last. Will they finally call it quits? No, instead we get a comeback album produced by the guy who produced Limp Bizkit. Superb!

Having lost all their respect for our musical ancestors, Something Awful analyzes the Cure phenomenon...  



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(c) Something Awful

[klav]

Another bad blow for Fat Bob Smith...

[Suzanne]

Maybe he should really stick to liposuction and g0ffick soap production.  

[klav]

The new album is available for a first listening here (stream only).

[Suzanne]

Eeeeep! Is this cover artwork for real? Jesus...

Let me quote Maddox - art critic magnifique:

Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit.

 

[Suzanne]

PIXELSURGEON reviews "The Cure" by uhmm... well... The Cure:

[...] The first track, Lost starts with menacing guitars that build to a crescendo, Smith repeatedly informing us “I can’t find myself”. Well if he’s spent this long looking, maybe he should just give up and write a chorus for the song instead. Similarly, Labyrinth plays around one or two guitar riffs, a solo or two, some vague ranting and plenty of feedback and effects to cover the fact that there really isn’t a song here. So far, so bad...

[institute]

I had to take my daughter to the stinking cure show last month because who else am I going to take her to see for her first show?  It was fucking amazing visually, but strange how nu-metal the guitars were... like metallica playing the cure!  The GOOD NEWS - the set was a total "goodbye" featuring headbanging versions of all the classics in a "I shan't be able to lift my fat fingers again after this, thankyOUUU" - so I won't be disappointed again - it was my first cure show in over 10 years, I guess I had it coming.  At least my daughter can say the Cure was her first show, right?  For the record, He really is fatter in person these days.  Last I saw them, a ticket cost me 15 dollars, this time the tickets were free, but I noticed they were a whopping astounding insulting 56 dollars each!  God only knows how much a t-shirt was going for.  Oh yeah - the opening band INTERPOL puts MORRISSEY to shame on the Whine-o-meter, when you wait up all night to download INTERPOL and delete it in the morning don't say I didn't warn you. I still LOVE Robert, so do you just admit it!  I just love him in more of a huge ever growing pulsating teddy bear way, and less of a wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully pretty way.

[Suzanne]

Arrrghh.. not again, Robert!

Writers block for Robert Smith

The Cure frontman Robert Smith is facing a writers block again. Due to this the new The Cure album is delayed until May 2007. Apparently Smith is struggling to come up with lyrics to some of the 33 new songs the band has recorded for its 14th studio album.

Read on

Lookie here, Robert: You're still my favourite singer on this planet, but how hard can it be to mix the words "alone", "forest", "tragedy", "misery", "memory", "lost", "love" and "kittens" to a new song? Huh?  

[Suzanne]

.. and finally, the good news:

The Cure Announce Tour, Ready New Album

The Cure have just announced the North American leg of their 2007 world tour, which means that Asians and Australians won't be the only ones treated to a healthy dose of makeup and mood this summer and fall.

The band are also readying their 13th studio album, the as-yet-untitled follow-up to their 2004 self-titled record, for a fall release on Suretone/Geffen.

Frontman Robert Smith, guitarist Porl Thompson, bassist Simon Gallup, and drummer Jason Cooper will begin their jaunt in Fuji, Japan on July 27, and they have shows scheduled through October 17 in Dallas at the oh-so-goth American Airlines Center.

Sheffield up-and-comers 65daysofstatic will open all of the North American shows.

Dates:

07-27 Fuji, Japan - Fuji Rock Festival
07-30 Hong Kong, China - Asia World Arena
08-01 Singapore, Singapore - Singapore Indoor Stadium
08-04 Perth, Australia - Challenge Stadium
08-06 Adelaide, Australia - Entertainment Centre
08-08 Brisbane, Australia - Entertainment Centre
08-10 Sydney, Australia - Entertainment Centre
08-12 Melbourne, Australia - Rod Laver Arena
09-13 Tampa, FL - St. Petersburg Times Forum *
09-15 Atlanta, GA - Gwinnett Civic Center *
09-17 Charlotte, NC - Charlotte Bobcats Arena *
09-19 Washington, DC - Patriot Center *
09-21 Philadelphia, PA - Wachovia Spectrum *
09-23 New York, NY - Madison Square Garden *
09-25 Boston, MA - Agganis Arena *
09-26 Montreal, Quebec - Bell Center *
09-27 Toronto, Ontario - Air Canada Centre *
09-29 Chicago, IL - Allstate Arena *
10-02 Denver, CO - Red Rocks Amphitheater *
10-04 Salt Lake City, UT - E Center *
10-06 Mountain View, CA - Shoreline Amphitheater (Download Festival) *
10-08 Seattle, WA - Key Arena *
10-09 Vancouver, British Columbia - General Motors Place *
10-11 Santa Barbara, CA - Santa Barbara Bowl *
10-13 San Diego, CA - Cox Arena *
10-14 Los Angeles, CA - Hollywood Bowl *
10-16 Houston, TX - Toyota Center *
10-17 Dallas, TX - American Airlines Center *

(via Pitchfork)

But... but... what about the homeland, Robert, what about the homeland?

[Suzanne]

New The Cure album delayed again until late fall 2007

Hmmpf.