Brutally Honest Irish Personal Ads

[Suzanne]

A collection of Irish personal ads, supposedly culled from the "Dublin News", is doing the email rounds. They're in the genre of Brutally Honest Personal Ads and definitely quite funny...

Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.

Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

OMG! I'm in looooooooooooove...

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.

  via Museum of Hoaxes

[birdbath]

Fag hag desperate for recognition

Hideous, buck-toothed It girl seeks gay men in their early twenties to sit around with in Café en Seine on Saturday nights and help me run up a monstrous debt on daddy's credit card. Must be interested in listening to hours of my vapid mindless twaddle, pointless inanities regarding my course in interior design and my hobbies of shopping, talking about myself, shopping, smoking, oh - and shopping. Bisexual or straight men need not apply, as I am currently recovering from a nasty vaginal infection after that time I fucked the entire Terenure rugby team in the back of a Saab and you as you have about as much chance of scoring with me as you have of seeing Fianna Fail run the country properly.
twitteringasshole@marketingslut.ie

more here: http://www.blather.net/shitegeist/000103.htm

[Suzanne]

Toilet duties

That’s where you come in – buxom, 22-year-old blonde stereotype not shy of adjusting the surgical stockings of 73-year-old misanthrope with poor bladder control. Failing that, just send care home brochures to Box no. 08/05

(Culled from LRB | classified... uhmm... not that I was actually reading any of it...)

[birdbath]

Vapid, mindless, 28 year old BMW driving Marketing slut, seeks male company for fun, water sports and the consumption of everything that rampant capitalism has to offer. Preferably looking for a tall, well built male with his own cash and own mind but will actually settle for any bald slimy short-arsed millionaire kiddie-fiddling rapist that has enough cash to keep me in the manner to which I am accustomed. Hobbies include laughing out loud whilst sitting in the street sipping latte at 8 euro a millilitre outside some style mad corporate franchise bar off Grafton street, acting like a spoilt rotten brat, demanding constant attention and spending great bags of cash in order to fill the enormous gaping chasm at the centre of my soul which has been there since Daddy cut off my allowance and ran of with the Philipino maid.
first_against_the_walll@mareketingslut.ie